Lovebuds Anonymous

So it's Saturday night and here I sit. In a way it's sort of sad isn't it? Most single 26 year olds I imagine are going out on the town; hanging out with friends. Well, I suppose things could be worse. Somehow........ I'll have to think on that one! lol. The past two days have been ok emotionally going, with the exception of feeling a little guilty about what I've been eating. The weekends are always the hardest because we're all here and are grabbing just something fast to eat. Like tonight we had Taco Hell. True, I don't eat as much as I used to....I guess that's the positive to look at. Still, it makes me feel guilty. Oh well, these things will happen. Moving on........

Thank goodness for the 80's revenge music night. Yeah, got the radio on listening to those lovely goodies from the 80's. hehe. I like music when it was peppier and was about just feel good stuff. Too much of it nowadays is just bitching about things, much like I do on my own. We all do enough of that without paying some guys to sing about it I think. It's ok sometimes, but I still miss the happy shiny rock n' roll.

I been watching that show "Starting Over" that comes on during the week and it sort of has inspired me a little. It's about a bunch of women who move into the 'starting over' house in order to improve their lives in various ways. Some have weight issues, self-esteem issues, marriage issues, job issues, health issues, etc. Anyways, the life coaches are two women who help them with their problems and give them 'tasks' to do to work on things. The one life coach, Rhonda, is really awesome. I'd love to work with her one on one but to be honest, she's so straight forward and tell the truth I'd be sort of afraid to see her gape open the wounds and slap the bad gooey stuff out on the table to look at. She's really good at it, although it's helpful to the women. I don't know if I could take it. Still, just listening to her help the women is nice and a lot of what she teaches them applies to everyone trying to do some self-improvement. It's a good show, I think I'll try to keep watching it as for some reason it hits home and inspires me to get more motivated in my own life.

I've been trying to come up with some plans to keep a record or journal for myself. I'll probably talk more on that in Fat Chat. Trying to keep things seperated somewhat between blogs so I don't repeat myself over and over.

I'm sort of at that point now where I'm inspired a little, but feel a bigger thing just around the corner. It's not a bad feeling, just like something is a little out of reach still. I suppose that in a way I'm standing in front of something and just not seeing it clearly. I'm going to try to bring it into focus, whatever it is.

Speaking of seeing....... something special happened to me yesterday that was really interesting. Now this is going to sound wierd and to most people probably pathetic and stupid, but to me it hit on a deeper level. Ok, so anyway I was sitting at the table eating dinner, which ended up being a bowl of shredded mini wheats cereal. If you've ever eaten them then you know that occasionally you'll swallow a few shards of the shredded wheat and they hang in your throat, which of course makes you start gagging and coughing. Ok so I'm sitting there alone, because Dad had taken the dog outside and Mom was asleep. And I start choking. So I'm trying to drink some water to clear my throat and keep from hurling and I'm choking, trying to swallow and breathe at the same time while my throat is trying to hurl the objects in my throat upwards. And I'm squinting my eyes, although I didn't realize it. I suppose when one's choking reflexes either cause your eyes to bulge or close. In any case, sometime in there I start to see these things flying around from the corner of my eyes. In the few split seconds that I was choking, my vision is sort of blurred because I'm not focusing on anything and it happens........ I see these tiny golden flickers everywhere shooting in all directions. They were so tiny, like golden fairies riding dust molecules that I had to force myself to pay attention to them. Now I don't know if that's what they call 'seeing stars' or not but it's never happened to me before. And the only thought that was running through my mind was screaming, "Oh my god you're seeing the energy." To those that don't know me, they're probably saying 'huh?' But the people that I know who understand what paths my beliefs wander down.....they'll get what I'm saying. I'm big into energy, being beings of energy (lost you there didn't I? hehe) it fascinates me. And there I was, seeing these things that are invisible to the naked eye for whatever reason (I believe it's a trick of the mind. We actually see the truth of things but our brain chooses to hide or filter out the majority of what is around us). In that moment when my brain was screaming this to me, it was like time slowed down. I remember that episode of Star Trek:NG when the Captain falls in love and the woman is hurt. She teaches him to actually manipulate and slow time using emotion and sheer will because without him doing that she dies. And he does it. And she explained to him how it is possible, because time is an illusion and we can manipulate or bend it if we figure out how. So anyways it reminded me of that and I was tickled pink. lol. It lasted only a moment but it was utterly awesome to see it. Whether it was the truth of what I thought or not, truth is like beauty........ it lies in the perception of the one looking.

Just thought like sharing that. ;)

- posted by Loki's Concubine @ 7:16 PM