Lovebuds Anonymous

Happy happy joy joy. No, I'm not selling rubber nipples, although at this point in time it would be better than doing nothing which is where I'm currently stuck at. hehe. So I'm just on here for a fast fix while waiting for Pa to finish in the kitchen. Then it's back in there for me so I can clean out the fridge. (Tomorrow is trash pick up day so now's the time to get the gunky stank food out.) I wanted to get up early today, saw this job listing in the paper and thought I'd go turn in a resume. I thought I had made it clear somewhat to Mom that I wanted her to wake me up when she got home, but as it turns out she didn't and so I woke up at 1pm. 1pm!!!! I mean, that's normal for me but I was trying to start getting up in the mornings now. I had the bigben clock set and everything but this is the second time I've slept through it and don't even remember hearing it go off... and that bitch is LOUD! So, I don't know what to do to wake up now.

In any case, after rolling up and bitching a little I took my shower and headed out. Went to the job agency where the job was offered (it's like a job-finding place) and they wouldn't even take my resume. I had to fill out an application... which I was prepared to do when the girl told me to take it and fill it out and not to bring it back until I had copies of my high school diploma, social security card, and a police background check. THEN if they had something at that time I'd have to do a drug test. HOLY SHIT. Should I just give blood while I'm at it? I mean I understand all that stuff might be necessary if you're applying at the FBI but damn it was just for a part time computer clerk position. SHEESH.

Got outta there and thought, well, might as well go by the health department. Now... I don't know much about the health department, but everyone on the chatsite that I used to go to screamed at me to go and talk to them about getting medicaid because I'm unemployed and have no insurance. So I'm like ok... I don't think I can get it because I live with my folks. Yes you can they assured me... no question. So I take my big ass up there and am hopeful. I should've known I was gonna be screwed when I walked up to the receptionist lady... I told her what I wanted to talk to someone about and she asked me to sit down. Then I heard her call on the phone and told some lady that Ms. Rodgers was there to see her. Then she calls another lady and I (and everyone else in the room) hear... There's a Ms. Bigass (me) here to see you about medicaid. Yes she's... and then she ducks down behind her little desk wall and starts whispering. And we all know what she's saying. She's telling the woman that I'm unemployed, only 26, and am just a super fatass who needs to talk to someone. Great. So there I am, everyone looking at me and feeling like a pixie among giants. So I go back to speak to the lady (of course out of all the 'bigger' women there I get the tiny miss sophisticated) and she tells me that the only way I can get help is to: #1 have children #2 be blind #3 be over 65. So basically according to the state of SC, I need to find some male whore to plug me with his seed.. pop out a few kids that I know I can't take care of and while the guys at it... have him shoot some goodies into my eyes so I lose my vision. Will that make you happy then SC????? Huh? She said that because I had been turned down by the disability people in the past year (which everyone is the first time they apply) even if I did have one of these problems she'd automatically have to deny me.

So here I am. If you want to see the definition for 'stuck between a rock and a hard place' I'll send you a snapshot. I can't get a job.. no one will hire me. I can't get unemployment b/c I was forced out of my last job and officially wasn't 'fired'. I can't get in to see a doctor b/c I can't afford the office visits and tests. I can't get state help b/c I'm white and am responsible enough to NOT have any rugrats. I just don't understand. I guess it's because everyone figures that obesity is the fault of the person and so they should have to suffer. I suppose they're right. I suppose that even though it wasn't a choice that I made that I am the one responsible and I am the one who should just deal with it. You know it wouldn't bother me so much if it was just me. I mean to be honest if I die, it's just like.. so what? It doesn't matter to me anymore and hasn't for a long time. But for my Mom.... I don't want her to deal with my death and having the stress and loss. *sigh*

After making it back to the car, where I promptly hid behind my shades and let the tears fall... I figured I might as well do something that turned out good for the day so I went to the storage building and moved that big store display out of there. Mom's going to be highly pissed when she finds out I did it by myself, but I don't care. I didn't want her struggling with it, and besides, I was the one who had it put there. It was my junk, so I took care of it. It took me an hour and it was HOT as hell and the damned thing weighs a ton and was hard to get a handle on but I tore the bitch apart (it's metal) and got it to the dumpster. Yay me.

I'm gonna go to Jackie's house tomorrow and take her birthday presents. I've been a bad friend I know.. her bday was the 2nd, and I haven't seen her in ages, but I just don't know how to explain it where she'll understand. I have no desire to go anywhere. I guess it's not my fault if she doesn't understand, although I hope she does in some way. I just need a break from everything, from life. If I could ball myself up and hide in the dark that would work too.

Gonna go jump in the kitchen now since Dad's done. Gotta love playing in old smelly foodstuff. And having a weak stomach just adds so much fun to that.
Isis Isis Ra Ra Ra!

- posted by Loki's Concubine @ 5:55 PM