Lovebuds Anonymous

It's kind of strange sitting here with an ear cocked towards the hall wondering if I'll hear a loud metallic CLAP! But, that's what I'm doing. Wouldn't you know it....... our walls have been invaded by mice. Lucky us.

Farmers are great. Farmers are underprivileged. Farmers are hardworking. Farmers who live behind us are jerky, peanut-headed, crossbred idiots. And I'm not saying this because I'm awakened in the middle of the night by the blood-curdling screams of what sounds like a small child being murdered (it's actually a peacock). No, I say that because we have had so many experiences with this family before. Now I'm a pretty easy to get along with person, and I'm quite tolerant of most things. I overlooked all of the butt-ass stupid things that they did for a LONG time. The day he came over with a shotgun attempting to shoot our dog was the straw that broke this elephant's back. He thought she had killed his chickens. The sheer ignorance of this man (who has an unnatural resemblance to one of the mountain men from "Deliverance") is scary. Our dog was a senior who stayed in the house. We only let her out when we were outside with her because she was afraid to go out alone (we had a bad hurricane that scared the patootey out of her). The old fart (who's crosseyed as a bat) had 'seen' a dog jump his fence and kill some chickens. Of course we were the closest ones to him, so it just HAD to be our dog. It couldn't possibly be one of the many strays that wondered the neighborhood, usually barking furiously at his hogs and goats. Needless to say my Father had a few words of prayer with him and we haven't been on friendly terms since that day.

What is the point you ask? The damned farmer, I'm ready to either move or for his old ass to retire to the rocking chair. He has an obsession with his tractor. He hasn't planted a thing in his fields for years. Yet, every day in the summer, he plops his ass on that big OLD loud bulky tractor and plows that field. Over and over. There's nothing but dry dust, which tends to fly over into our yard. Well the last time he plowed he thoughtfully sent his field mice scurrying into our yard, and eventually into our attic. Thank you Farmer Inbred.

So now our yard is riddled with holes. We have baited, we have put out poison, we have filled in holes. They keep showing up again.
Dad brought home a trap this week from his work. Thank the gods he can get them because he works in DHEC. We put it in the attic Tuesday. I thought I heard a small thud Tuesday night, but it was faint so I wasn't sure. Last night the thing sounded like a sledge hammer ricocheting off of tin scrapmetal. KACLANK! That's one ratbastard gone. hehe. So we took it down today, and there are two little meeses. I won't go into detail what happened to them. I am an animal lover, but this is war people.

The "Bud" - 2. Mice - 0

The trap is baited again and back up there. I don't think it will be long before the klink klink will strike again. I wonder how many are there now. Gods help us.

It was another TOPS day today. I was entirely prepared to have a gain this week. I felt like I had a gain. Being bloated feels like swallowing a dry sponge and opening your mouth in the ocean. It just keeps soaking it up and in and up and in. Bleah.

I was shocked. I lost another 2 pounds this week. Not only did I, but Mom and Bonnie lost 2 pounds as well. The three of us were the winners of this week's weigh-in. MWAHAHAH. That's right TOPS people! Watch out, my goal is to take over the honor roll and steal all the glittery star magnets! Eventually if my evil scheme works, I will fashion a new shiny suit and call myself Nurse Evil. I may even make a matching piece for Precious, my niece.... and she can be my Mini-Me.

See picture of Precious in her Santa outfit. Imagine the glittery goodness. AAhhh yes!!!

Laugh if you must. Saturday is her birthday party and she will have cake, presents, and even birthday hats. I will be taking the camera.

- posted by Loki's Concubine @ 7:54 PM