Lovebuds Anonymous

Alright, so the weekend is officially over. I should be in bed right now, but I napped late this afternoon and so here I am still awake. It's always hardest to sleep at night anyway. First and foremost, for those of you who might be reading (although I'm sure no one is) Womanofscorn's computer is down and out again.... so we won't be hearing for her for a while. Damn, no one to play those 1am games of Word World with. BAH humbug!

It was a great weekend, and I suppose that like most days I learned a few things. Like I said earlier, a friend and I were headed upstate to visit some friends and go to a party. Well we ended up leaving on Friday after all; my friend was able to finish whatever it was that she had to do early and we were on the road by 4pm. I'm so glad that we made it early! We didn't do much Friday night, but we got there in time for her to do circle with the group (I don't do circles... Well very seldom anyways. Personal reasons heh) and we got to visit, which was really nice. Saturday some of us got together for a cookout and then rode up into the foothills and walked around some in the woods. It was fun, I love the mountains (even the foothills were good)!
The party was a blast, and I had such a great time picking at the man-whores (and that is said with love, not mean thoughts; the men are just so damn cute that I keep trying to sell them and make some money).

All in all though, I'm glad that I waited to ride up with my friend instead of having someone come and get me. Yes, this is the same friend that feels I've been drawing away from her.... Which I have I suppose. As I said, I've been in hermit status for some time now. But we had a good ride up and back, and had some good chitter chatter.

I'm hoping to make another trip back to visit them on my birthday weekend.... Just me and myself. I love my friend, but I would like to have an identity separate from hers, but I get the feeling that some people just see me as her "crony", which isn't at all factual. We hang around each other a lot because we know each other so well, but it's still nice to be known as just me... And not the sidekick for once. I'm reminded of the Wind Beneath My Wings song and the line that talks about walking in the shadow. I know how that feels. I usually don't mind but for some reason lately it bothers me, and I'm assuming that it's because I'm going through this whole ordeal of trying to be positive about myself. Does that make sense???

Still, I have to admit that I do envy the way that she captures people. I've never been charismatic in the way that people just seem to want to be around me. I think that I'm a nice person, and people like me for the most part.... But I've never had that certain "character" that just seems to be entertaining. I have too many inhibitions and a touch of shyness yet. Maybe one day that will change. I would imagine it would be nice to have that sort of magnetic personality, but some things just are the way they are and I can accept that. We all make the world go round after all, and I prefer to be myself as I am.

It's strange though, how different I feel around some people. Never in my life have I had this reaction to people, but for some reason those kooky people seem to give me something that I haven't found elsewhere. I know I've talked about it before in blogs, but it's something that still amazes me. I just feel so grounded and calmed after spending time with them. Being there makes me happy, and I feel accepted and loved just for who I am. And that's something that is hard to accept, because sometimes I don't feel like there's anything worth caring about. Still, everytime I'm with them they show me that I'm worth something and that I'm special (just like everyone else... But you get my drift). I'm lucky to have been introduced and I just wish them all the best, because they've been so good to so many people and they all deserve the best!

Well, I'm gonna check some email and maybe catch some TV before I fall asleep. If you're reading this and you happen to be one of those friends that I'm talking about, thank you. You really don't realize what you mean to me! And yeah, I'm being cheesy and I LIKE it! So take care, and see you soon.

- posted by Loki's Concubine @ 9:29 PM