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Tuesday, June 08, 2004
Healthy? Yeah... OK
Thought I'd drop a few lines before heading off to bed. Not much to say, I have spent a little time trying to find anything that could help me in the state government pages but so far no luck. I suppose that I'm just going to have to lie like everyone has been telling me to do in order to be able to see a doctor. To be honest I'm at the point now where I don't care if I lie, I mean damn. They just gonna let someone die while they wait for someone to get pregnant. I can't pay for me, I'm not having a kid. Sheesh.
Anyways, just getting worried again. This past week and a few days more have been really rough. I've been feeling so dead, and even today when things were better all day my back and hips and legs just hurt and hurt. I can take the pain, I'm used to it. If it was just one thing at a time it wouldn't bother me so much, but it's just so many little things coming all at once. Just been hurting worse, feeling so tired and wore out all the time, and I feel thin. Not weight wise, but like.... like faded. Does that make sense? Like I'm on the verge of passing out. I'm bleeding horrifically again... what else is new. My feet are always cold and my leg is getting progressively worse about going numb and then feeling cold when I do get sensation back (this is just the top of my thigh). If I stand too long or sit a certain way it just goes numb, no feeling. And it just feels so damn strange. lol. The bumps in my arms are sore and now I've discovered a new one, there seems to be one of those bumps in my neck at the back. It's sore too, about the size of a butterbean under the skin. Mom says she thinks it's a fatty tissue tumor, which is what we're assuming the ones in my arms are. I've tried to research on it but haven't found much yet. So far I have them in both arms, the back of my right leg and my neck. They're hard, like little peas. Sometimes painful, and they seem almost to be in the veins. Strange, I know. But as soon as it stops raining I WILL go swimming again whether I'm in pain or not. It won't be the first time I've forced myself to do something and it won't be the last.
I'm most likely eat up with cancer. Bah pfft! I'm just stressin.
But I think that maybe I am getting a little bit back on track with where I want to be otherwise. Cut out the sodas again (I had one this week) and trying to do more cooking at home. I love to cook when there's room to prepare things. :)
