Lovebuds Anonymous

Forever Learning Lessons

We're constantly learning lessons. Every moment of our lives. Sometimes we realize it, sometimes we don't. Sometimes it takes years for the truth of what we didn't know we learned to smack us in the ass and wake us up. Strange isn't it how that happens?

There are extremely good things about this blog and there are some immensely bad things about this blog. I'm a writer; I've always been a writer. I can't say that I'm any good at it, but it's always been a part of who I was. It's where I can cut loose, be free and spill all of the random thoughts in my head.

So it's great, it's my outlet. Very therapeutic in many ways. And it also lets the Scorned one and I keep in touch since we live so far apart. And I'd really like to share my thoughts with people.
That's where it could get bad. What if people that I've blogged about were to find this and read it? Now granted, I've always been truthful with how I felt. But still and so, it could hurt feelings and I'd hate that. Some people don't understand that this IS A DIARY. And as Bridget Jones said, "Everyone knows diaries are full of crap." So I'm telling anyone who reads this and finds themselves inside, don't take it so seriously. Because if I blogged about it, then it probably was when I was pissy and full of venom. Anyways, that's all I can say on that.
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Well I got a good phone call tonight. The friend (whom is like a sister) called. There have been things going on for a while now and we haven't' been seeing or talking like we used to. I suppose a lot of it is me, as I've been changing my life and the way I see things. And then there are other reasons that are because of her, and the way things have happened. Then there are things that we have yet to talk about that I'm trying to figure out how to approach in a nice way. We talked for a few hours tonight though, and it was good. As my therapist Ken told me to be more assertive in this relationship, I actually went ahead and plunged into some of the things that I had been feeling with her. She didn't get upset and defensive as I thought she would, but I suspect that had a lot to do with her weekend. She was explaining to me how many things had 'blown her away' this past weekend. It's good, I think we all need reality checks sometimes. Anyway, she's going through a great healing phase right now and I'm SO glad to see that happening. She expressed that she wanted our relationship to be 'set right' as well, and said that it was time for us just to sit down and talk. I agree, it is time. It's one of the big fears I've had and is a sticky situation, because everyone keeps telling me to just drop the friendship... But I really don't want to. She's a great person and in truth she is like a sister to me. So I'm going to try and work on it. We're going to talk this Sunday and I'm going to be ASSERTIVE and honest. Perhaps if I go ahead, open up completely and be honest then she will respect me as an adult. She even admitted to me that some of the way I had been feeling because of things she did, she had been feeling the same way because of certain things I did. (Like I've always said, I know I'm not perfect. So it's nice to know that she is telling me what I've done too. We need to get it all out in the open and start again.) I'm worried most of all about her reading this blog, because I have commented on her various times and she would be hurt or angry with things I've said. I just hope if that time comes that she realizes I said these things when I was frustrated, scared and angry. She has said to me many times that she speaks before she thinks, and I guess that I write before I think. LOL. And yes I could go back and delete posts to save my ass, but that would be cheating. And I want to look back at this sometime and see the growth and changes that I've made.

I learned something tonight though. People who you know extremely well will eventually surprise you. You can predict how they will react but you can never be sure. I'm glad that I was wrong. Hopefully now we can move on and have that bond again. We shall see. I need to get more things going in my life, on all levels.

- posted by Loki's Concubine @ 7:57 PM