HOLY SHIT!!!
I'm just now seeing all these new options for text and stuff. This rocks! Woohooo blogger!!! heh.
 

Well that certainly brightens my day, which so far has been not so good. I've been in pain. Not only did I sleep in some warped yoga-ish position which caused the muscles in my neck and back to resemble some form of mortar, but it seems that the tiny tidbits of doom disguised as 'sweet bbq' chicken chunks I ate turned into greased missiles that have shot through my bowels like some sort of psycho on crack. Crack-Ass-Missiles. Ah yes, the potty humor runs rampant. Which leads me to question... What is our fascination with shit? It's everywhere I turn lately, waving at me in all it's sickening glory. And what's worse is I'm not the only one who seems to have some sort of shit fetish. (Gods no please make it go away!)  I am somewhat worried that somehow someone is sneaking in subliminal messages that is forcing the public to be consumed with the thoughts of defecation. It's scary.

But, after a heavy duty muscle relaxer and two pain pills (all generously supplied by my wondermous Mother), I'm feeling much much better now. heh. Yay the powers of drugs. So I'm here now, thinking about the hours that Womanofscorn and I sat yesterday gleefully looking up songs from the old Jem cartoon. Ok yeah, so cartoon rock stars with bad dye jobs make us giddy. I never said we were perfect. But seriously, after reading El Presidente's blog yesterday on her childhood toys and lack thereof, it got us pumped up and on a mission to download some songs from our favorite cartoon of old. I remember the songs, but I think Womanofscorn is just a tad bit worse than I am... she actually remembers the lyrics. For shame!! Lately we've both been on a reminiscing kick. She does a really hilarious version of NKOTB singing "pleeease don't go girrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl" which makes me cream my pants everytime I hear it. I've made a bet with her that if she gets her new job she has to call and sing it on the audioblog. My fingers are so crossed that you guys will get to hear it. Trust me, it's truly a Kodak moment.  In fact I'm seriously thinking about ordering some nifty Rainbow Brite or Care Bears wristbands as I type. Gods I miss the 80's.

 

The cartoons of our youth were so simple man. You didn't need to be tripping on acid to be able to comprehend whatever the hell Papa Smurf was talking about, although I really think that Gargamel was chompin on some special 'shrooms. But have you seen the crap on today? I mean WTF people? We've got some crazy-popeyed rainbow Tublets, a lame ass purple dinosaur (which strangely enough puts a whole new twist on the purple peter -uh i mean people- eater thing), ninja kids who dress like Boy George and look like they're doing a bad rendition of the robot while they're kicking ass... and worst of all.... a fookin sponge.

 

 

Like who the hell thought of Spongebob Squarepants? A group of hard up cleaning ladies raiding the mini-bar at a Hojo's? He's a sponge for christs' sake! I still don't understand it. I feel like I'm missing out on something. It doesn't give me much confidence in the kids of the future, I tell you that much. I feel ashamed for them. It's just sad. I'm sure all across America there are kids stealing their Mom's cleaning sponges and trying to create little underwear for them. And is anyone else worried that the little twisted guy runs around half the time in his panties? The people who come up with this idea are probably busting a gut over how stupid it is. Busting a gut all the way to the bank...... the freaks. Why oh why couldn't I have invented it? Maybe I'll start trying to think of a nifty show based around like a mop. Or that Swifter thing with the lame ass commercials. Super Swifty, the superhero of a new age. He can sweep the baddies (named Dirt and Grime) right on out the door. Hmmm..... or I could make it a she and she can prance around in frilly girl panties and a lace bra. Woot. That would be grand!

 

The only cartoons I find amusing today (or recently) is South Park, Beavis & Butthead, the Simpsons and King of the Hill. I think Boomhauer is probably the best cartoon character in history. There's just something about cartoon rednecks and living in the deep south that is ironic.

 

Anyway, so I'm trying to learn to crochet. Yeah, hehe.... I'm an old lady in training. I'm finding myself becoming frustrated because everytime I move the damn yarn it comes off my fingers. Ok, so I don't really have fingers. I have fat little Jimmy Dean sausage links attached to my palms. They're like frikken midget hands. Especially when trying to do something that requires dexterity. But yeah, they have fleeting moments of pride where they get the job done. *cough cough blink blush* Ah but still I give thanks and kudos to those lovely hand held shower heads. You know the ones on the hose that you can move around to hit ALL the right spots. Woohoo! Who the hell needs that Herbal Essence shit? Not me! Although just for shits and giggles one day I wanna get some and just start freaking out at some public function. Heh, too entertaining.

 

I find that I come up with all sorts of things to amuse myself. If I don't my OCD takes over and I'm stuck in the bathroom for half an hour counting the tiles on the wall. Yes, there are 13 down, 13 over, and 13 diagonally. How nice. And look, once again it turns back to the bathroom talk. See how it really is just a vicious cycle? Toilets are scary. Everytime I watch that Porky's movie where they put the snake in the pipes and well, those of you who've seen it know what happens..... I freak out when I have to use the potty. Even though I know that there's no possible way a snake could get in the pipes and  come up through the toilet, I'm nervous ya know? There MIGHT be something down there just waiting to jump up and tap that ass when I'm doing my business. I would have a heart attack right then and die. And then die again at the embarrassment of the obituary. I can see it now....

 

Loki's Ho died today at the age of 27 after having been bitten on the ass while taking a dump. Strangely enough the snake, which was non-venomous did not kill her. She suffered a heart attack and plunged face forward into the tub where her parents found her hours later with her ass sticking up in the air. She had not yet had a chance to wipe herself. The snake was not found at the scene and it's assumed that he either escaped back down through the pipes or he is now nesting in the innards of said deceased.

 

*Shivers* Please say it ain't so.............